what it's about

I went and saw a live rock n' roll act last night. It was pretty freaking awesome. First off we went to a bar before the show, because all shows are better with booze--even ballet. This bar was extra cool though because the bartender had us pick a drink out of a 500 page cocktail book and he made a free 'sample' of the chosen drink for us (a sample the size of a normal drink). BTW Hakkatinis are pretty good just add a little lime in there with the 2 parts apple juice, 1 part orange vodka, 1 part Gran Marnier, and 1-.5 part Campari.

So the opening band was decent however I don't think that they ever escaped the high school notebook phase of writing. The first song was about "addiction", the second about "people we've lost", the third was about "anyone in jail", and the last song was about "those people in the south who have got the short end of the stick". Oh happy little americana colloquialisms! Honest this was all from the singer's mouth, hence the quotations. I'm surprised that there weren't song about "all those people out there with diabetes", "people with gassy pets", and "anyone who's ever used a charge card".

I think the headliners (The Hold Steady, check 'em out) later made fun of the opening band when the lead singer said "this next song is about nicknames!" and it clearly was.

Unitarians

Did you see that 58 year old opened fire in a Tennessee church this weekend? Apparently he was unimpressed with the churches "liberal" views. First off, its a church it can't be that liberal. Second off, I've been to a Unitarian church and it's not liberal, just kinda weird. For example, they put on children's plays and call it mass.

What was he thinking..."How dare you put on a play children's play written by a smelly jew, you're an abomination unto god! the eye in the sky wants my unemployed ass to swiss cheese-icise this so called church. Extolling the virtues of tomorrow... F you!"

I didn't think Annie was that bad; I'm actually more inclined to see it now.

See the news says that this guy was unemployed and angry at liberal views. I just can't see how that leads to shooting up a church. I'm unemployed and generally indifferent to conservative views, what the hell am I supposed to shoot up? If you answered "nothing, but why don't you whine a little more," you're correct. Just write in and I'll send you a compliment on your Myspace page. I'll even post it publicly.

Haiku

Haikus

the slightest breezes
sends dust bunnies sprinting
broom holding man is pissed

or:

No job leads to chores
chores involving brooms; and
uncatchable dust

Old People Can Be Evil Too

Okay, this post raises two very important questions, at least important in my tiny little pixilated world. The picture first:

Here’s the scoop, these two old birds took two homeless men under their wing and then ran them over with cars once the insurance policies they took out on the bums cleared. I guess it wasn’t much of a shock given the way old people drive generally.

Look at ‘em, blue jays waiting to be some prison rooster's catch…that could be your Grandma, if you’re a white person, or adopted by white people. Is that one on the right smiling? I guess good manners are hard too break, much like coffee addictions. The story goes that these two AARP members were busted because the one on the left took out too many insurance policies. How much coverage is too much for the life of a vagrant you ask? 2.3 million, Ching! Do insurance companies do background checks on the subject of policies before signing off on the policy to a recently acquainted third party? I think we might have a little more investigation of such shenanigans after this hooey.

“I’m sorry person who has known the subject of this policy for only 3 weeks, the life of this crack addled porn star you wish to insure is not worth $100,000 dollars as you requested. Just the touching his dad did to him in his youth makes the upper limit of this policy $15,000.”

Who says you can’t put a value on human life?

The second and I believe the more important issue is, why do I get all my news from Yahoo!? Maybe its because it punctuates itself, a thing as all you grammar nazis know I need more of (parentheses here to not end sentence with word ‘of’). It’s really not the most novel place to get news from, everyone sees it, so I’m really not adding much to the blogosphere besides some more boring font and a couple of swear words stung together with prepositions. Eh, what’s another voice in the choir.

p.s. The link if you all care, I think the link says it all:

p.p.s. So, the tags on this are in alphabetical order, which was not how they were intended. I had originally written"Addiction, I, Question, Yahoo, old, ladies, kill, bums"; har har right?

now look what is says. go on. On a lighter note, hits are up.

blog.

blog.

Not So Shocking

Well, so much for shocking the system into quitting something. Apparently the little coffee demon I tried to kill over the July 4th holiday weekend survived. That little fork wielding bastard made me drink half a pot of coffee on Friday. How quickly frank the coffee tank shows his head again. Half a pot? what was I thinking? It wasn't 2am and I wasn't studying for a final for the class I never went to! It was noon on an unemployed Friday (yes I won't let you forget that I don't work, more on this later--I promise). Although, I am happy to report that I have not had any cafe since my digression on Friday. I guess the moral of the story is that the shock doctrine will only allow you to alter behaviors in incremental ways, nothing so fundamental as denying the caffeine jones.

On an aside, it is a bad idea to go to the gym after drinking half a pot of coffee. Anyone ever get the shakes from too much caffeine? No, just me? well try harder. I assure you that it is not a good idea to place large metal objects over my amphetamine riddled brain repeatedly while your arms and legs are doing their impressions of grandma's vibrator.

Then there is also the added bonus of just being too amped to do anything.

“Holy shit lets do that, no that, what about this, oh that looks fun!”

And now you’re there for 2 hours and nothing has been accomplished save the endangerment of your life. I can swear to you that my heart hurt when I left. Good thing when I left I was able to calm myself down with an evening of b movies, bars, bad cover bands, and uhhh, beer. Actually that's a lie. There was nothing calming about the band I saw--they sucked. As friend put it, "This cover band makes me want to cover this whole bar with napalm."

well so much for that

Yeah, I could probably go without a cup of coffee, but god damn i want one! my feet are cold.

Shock Doctrine

I used to have a coffee dependency, something I cultivated while in school. It was getting pretty bad too, maybe half a pot of more a day (that's bad by my standards, not bad by goth -kid-hang-out-in-coffee-house-standards). But I've found the cure to my coffee addiction. I took it straight from yesterdays headlines: The Shock Doctrine.

The Shock Doctrine is a book by Naomi Klein that explores the necessity to 'shock' (surprise!) the public so very important and rich people can make themselves more important and more rich in the ensuing chaos. Think how that idiotic Patriot Act with its right to invade your privacy came to be.

Knowing this system I set out to kick my coffee addiction. I went to Santa Barbara, as already discussed and only drank beer and the occasional watered down beverage. I didn't have any coffee and during the horrid hangover--chaos--that ensued I didn't reward myself with any joe. Now I'm happy to say i've been coffee free for 2 whole days. Lets hope the people that live in my head don't miss what i've taken away from them.

Back!

I'm back from my holiday trip to Santa Barbara, sorry to my one reader for the delay (It's okay).

I learned a few things while out and about, lets go over them shall we?

1) Spending an entire sunny day inside the doors of a filthy college level apartment shirtless while drinking heavily is an awesome way to waste time.

2) Fireworks are way cool up close.

3) I cannot play drums , even on a video game.

4) Spending an entire sunny day inside the doors of a filthy college level apartment shirtless while drinking heavily is an awesome way to make sure your stomach and intestines swear a personal vendetta against the pain receptors in your brain for days and weeks to come.

that is all.

What Was Google Thinking?

So I signed up for the ad blip to give the illusion that my words are generating revenue and it appears that the good Bots at Google have clearly not identified the type of blog this is (more on the lack of a theme later). For example, I just saw and ad for senior trip insurance, now I don't know what kind of trip this is, Hawaii or comical, but I do know that there probably won't be any seniors among the 6 of you reading this blog.

In an effort to prove that fuzzy logic is about as logical as a fuzzy navel, I've altered the labels for this post as an experiment to try and get a glimpse of the inner workings of this website.

White Russians

Give me dairy breath. But you really can't escape the goodness of protein and alcohol. Now if I could just find a way to mix a steak with my martini.

On a side note: I mixed 1 part vanilla vodka, 1 part $2.99 marsala wine, and 2 parts milk (basically whatever I could reach) and then drank it. It was delicious although the acidic wine burnt the shit outta my inner mouth chancer sore.

What should I call this gift from the gods at the Milk Processing Board?

1) a Hairy Russian
2) Thommy Boy Needs Help (or longer arms)
3) Franco Russian Goodness
4) A Mousolenin, maybe a Stalini?

nothing to offer?

Anyone else notice that there's a lot of foreign language blogs on this site? Maybe if I was in another country this blog would be slightly entertaining. Everyone else's blog seems to have a theme of some sort, pictures, babies, belly dancing, blah, and here I am just typing away with no visual media what so ever. Without pictures of small children who will pay attention to this blog!


I belong,I BELONG! cuddle me blogosphere.

Whorin' Out!

Sure did! Only took me one day and a couple of white lies but I got me some Google ads flowing on this page! Only took 4-5 white lies too! Let the money start rolling in!

What's that you say? This is supposed to be about using up free time while unemployed? Well to that I say, "I'm unemployed shitkicker, I clearly need the money"

Bad Theatre

So i do a bit of stand-up comedy

I bombed the other night...30,000 brown people dead! har har, just kidding.

No really, I was on stage and did the figurative bomb, maybe more like a figurative belly flop, there was a lot of figurative jokes going on, and laughing at someone's imagination isn't easy. Go figure.

I got over it and I moved on. I realized that you can't really bomb doing stand up comedy, it just becomes bad theater. A one man show just gone terribly awry.

which is funny because bad theater can be pretty fucking funny.

so now, if i bomb, i think of it as just putting on a really good play.

Why?

Why, you might ask, did you decide to develop a blog and place it out into the interspace for every one (with a computer–sorry kids in Africa) to see?

Given that there is currently a din of text voices screaming at the top of their keyboards for attention and relevance in an increasingly over simulated and information saturated world, it is a valid question. IF the answer was that I wanted to get noticed. However, that is not my desire. My desire is to stave off the evil demons of idleness brought on by my current labor related stagnation. Or as I like to say, "I'm unemployed, bitch," and I need to do something besides stare at craigslist and wait for a job posting directed exactly at me. I think the ad would have to look like this for me to read it:

6-June-08: ATTENTION [my name here], SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER XXX-XX-XXXX, GET PAID TO DRINK BEER AND TWIDDLE YOURSELF!!!!!!1!!!

Where the X's would be replaced by real numbers, numbers that correspond to the actual numbers in my social security number, which is made up of numerical based numbers with no numerators. Even if the ad came through I don't think I'd apply because most people would then assume I'm twiddling myself constantly. While fun, society still has a problem with making twiddling public.

So back to the lecture at hand, with all this cacophony why throw a breeze into the wind? Shouldn't I be worried about making waves or having this hurt my employment? Bah, to that I respond, "What's another voice in a chorus of millions?" I'll write cause that's what I want to do, if some small child happens upon it and complains to their parents, so be it. I got 40 hours of free time here and I need to fill it so here you go masses, another body. Plus, I did a Google search with my e-mail address and this blog didn't appear, take that employers!

Oh yeah, if I were to get noticed I don't think I'd complain too much. I can look back on this last day of employment (you can't tell why it's ending?) and chuckle while I'm knuckle deep in some starlet...or my current beautiful girlfriend whom I would never leave.

Title

So I suppose a brief note on the title is in order-why? Because I make the orders around here.

Industrial Orange has a dual meaning.

1) It's the color of the Golden Gate Bridge. I live in the Bay Area.

2) Yes I ripped off Anthony Burgiss. From Wikipedia, the source of all truth:

Anthony Burgess wrote that the title was a reference to an alleged old Cockney expression "as queer as a clockwork orange".¹ Due to his time serving in the British Colonial Office in Malaysia, Burgess thought that the phrase could be used punningly to refer to a mechanically responsive (clockwork) human (orang, Malay for "man").

The title also connotes a conundrum of sorts, a machine vs. nature duality. Can something be an organic delicious breakfast drink producing fruit and yet a mechanical device that controls our lives???? I think NOT! Not yet that is, wait till science gets its hands on this idea.

So I take the title of the paint, ascribe new meaning to it and then, viola! It's my title now.