9/11 Rant

yeah I'll go there, 7 years is enough time for me. Hell, I shot Heath Ledger just to make jokes about it. huh, wait, what?

Why is it, serious question now, why is it that you can put a FDNY, NYPD, or twin towers ad or token on anything it's fine. Put it on an ambulance in California it's fine, put it on a Mercedes in Arkansas, wait no Mercedes in Arkansas...Florida Mercedes, a twin towers ad in my fucking guitar magazine, that's okay. But you give someone a P.O.W./M.I.A. banner or sticker they're white trash.

are couch burners the only people who remember the 60,000 young Americans died in 'Nam? where are their bumper stickers?

60,000 U.S. Vietnam dead get A 8 ft. wall, 2,800 Twin Towers dead get an acre in downtown Manhattan.

apparently you have to die with a tie on to get some fucking respect.

That's why I always drink and drive in a tuxedo (<---courtesy of Friend)

people don't care about soldiers. They don't have a memorial for the 5,000 servicemen who died in Iraq outside of some cardboard crosses on a hillside in Orinda California, and the city tried to get those removed.

where's the respect? I guess if you shoot a man in the back of the head it's a tragedy but if you shoot him in the face it's expected? I'm just calling for equal treatment here. A dead person is a dead person, be it IED victim or 70 story free fall victim.

People expect soldiers to die I guess. Fuck they didn't even give them armor in Iraq. "It's gonna happen eventually we're just helping it along. Don't worry you can have some meth heads hang a flag up for you"

Now, I'm getting preachy. I'm also making a lot of enemies in the meth community.

Fear

One of the worst fears I have is performing in front of a bunch of ghosts and being booed off stage. Then it turns out that they were actually laughing at me. Now, I'm out 4 minutes of stage time.

I've Become a Liberal Elite

I was looking at the photos from the MTV VMAs tonight (I was contemplating killing myself and the only thing that could keep me going was hating on young people) and I didn't know who 75% of the people I saw were. I am officially an out of touch liberal. Next step is to start yelling at kids to get off my lawn and measure the sag in my ball sack with a yard stick.

I Have Some Science Minded Friends

Like looking down the barrel of a gun, right?

For all two people who read this, a bit of history. This is the CERN Large Hadron Collider located on the border between Switzerland and France and it is massive. Something to the tune of seventeen mile wide circumference (I'm no geographer but it could circumnavigate Vatican city and possibly Luxembourg). This mass of metal and concrete is then cooled to about 1.7 degrees above absolute zero, wow how cool! Soon enough, 3 days from now, it will start doing test runs and it will kill mankind and swallow up the earth. Okay, not really but the theory was that when you take a particle and smash it against other particles at the unprecedented speeds that the LHC can create, one might just generate a balckhole. Suck. "Did anyone just feel that? I think my atoms just got rend one from the other on a microcosmic basis."

While that theory is far fetched and scientifically unsound (Particles moving at LHC speeds collide with earth everyday) I think there's a bigger issue at play here. What's that issue you ask? Well fair reader I will tell you, the cost/benefit problem.

You see the governing body of the LHC, CERN, built the collider for a total cost of about 7 billion Euros (345346 kajillons USD). CERN also raised 1 billion dollars last year in order to determine the existence of the theoretical Higgs bonson particle, which as I understand it will solve the world's water shortage, starvation, and green house gas problem once discovered.

That's a lie, the damn thing was built so physicists could sleep at night know their useless pet projects were still being funded. With real problems in this world, I would hope that the 85 nations that make up the governing body of CERN will next focus their considerable collective resources on something that will benefit society as a whole. I'm not saying that this is completely useless, or that science should be pursued soley for science sake, but with massive globally significant issues facing the world (see above) I think that the money would better be served elsewhere.

So in one sentence or less, unless this shit allows me to build a teleportation device so I can transport into a pretty sorority’s shower, it is a waste of money.

SLAM (exclamation point)

News networks are given to exaggeration, I fell this is in order to
make the government fed drivel they parrot sound more important. A
great example of this is how if a candidate or politicians says
something that confronts an opponents stated ideology, that becomes a
"slam." We've all heard this, CNN is especially guilty of crap like
this. "Barack Obama SLAMS John McCain's energy proposals"

Now I don't know about you, or all these CNN affectionados out there
but to me a "Slam" has to be something more than a premeditated
difference in policies. A slam has to be an insult something tasty
and funny that someone throws down to accentuate their point.

"John McCain's energy proposal is about as energetic as a P.O.W." SLAM

"Barack Obama's foreign relations experience is about as useful as a
black man at show-up-on-time party." SLAM

the shit we hear is just a polite conversation with everybody
listening. These people are always, "well i respect my colleague but
disagree" There's no slamming going on, maybe if Jesse Ventura was
around (ugh).

If there is such a soft definition of "Slam" A debate is going to boil
down to a game of fucking dozens.

"Barack's Momma can't run the county"
"Your momma is dead Mr. McCain"
"That man is a motherucker with a whack ass forign policy"
"This man is so old he just updated his house with a telegraph"

and so on...

J-

old lady

I saw an older lady walking around today with a rolling suitcase. She was in Borders. How busy are you that you need a suitcase to take to Borders, what the hell is in there that you can't keep in a purse? It's not like books take up that much room either. You could just as easily carry them out. Maybe she's looking to roll a whole slew of books home to add to her library, that might have been true if it wasn't for the fact that the suitcase was already full. Maybe she's just a great shoplifter.

A True Story

I just got a return call from a recruiter that was looking to fill a position in an asbestos/mesothelioma plaintiff's firm. Basically, i would be suing people because a client inhaled some dangerous shit 20 years ago and is now cancer riddled. Here's how the crux of the call went. I am labeled, "Me" and the recruiter is labeled, "FuckfaceMcCallisterfromfucktown" I'll shorten that one to "Mr. Fuck"

...(becuase this isn't the beginning)

Mr. Fuck, "what law school did you go to?"
Me, "California Western School of Law"
M F, "How'd you do there?"
Me, "Alright, about middle of the road"
M F, "That'll be tough, what do you do now?"
Me, "Right now, I'm unemployed"
M F, "What did you do before you lost your job?"
Me, "Was a law clerk at a Plaintiff's firm and then a associate at a trust and estates firm"
M F, "I'm sorry my client won't buy that, they're looking for someone else, I'm sorry good bye"

Wow, thanks buddy. For a man that works in the employment placement field you sure know how to treat potential clients. Now I'm like super pissed and I want to punch the company in the face and I also want to travel back in time and tell my stupid younger self not to go to a third tier law school or law school in general. And If i'm already enrolled (time machines are very iffy) to tell myself to study harder and not fuck around so much.

I thought I had more to say about this guy but now I'm just too mad to type. I picked a bad week to quit drinking.